I have a chalazion on my left lower eyelid. The word comes from the Yiddish, chazarei, for stupidity. No, actually, it comes from the Greek word for "hailstone." It is actually a blocked oil gland. My glands are still active, only instead of having a zit on my nose, it's on my lower left eyelid. I've now had it for over six weeks. It's like an entity has taken up space. A squatter, paying no rent. I've been repeatedly to my opthmalogist, who pops the zit and recommends warm compresses (there is an ointment--I'm sensitive to it). Six weeks worth of warm compresses later and it shows no signs of exiting. Space is comfortable, no rent. Why leave.
My opthmalogist has recommended me to various lid specialists at top hospitals around New York. A lid specialist! Are there right lid specialists and left lid specialists? Upper lid and lower lid? Who knew! The first two didn't take my insurance--my beautiful insurance given to city workers. How dare they not. The first questions should not be about insurance, it should be, "Can I help you?" That is one of the shames of this century and of this city. The third took my insurance but "didn't have an appointment available for three months." Forget it. That's like being pregnant and not being able to book an appointment during your first trimester. Besides, if you still have the problem in three months (like pregnancy), then it's a worse problem that should have been attended to within the first month. So sayeth Dr. Kahn, the impatient psychologist. The fourth person, when contacted, could have seen me within a month. So I went home to make an appointment, and by the time I got home, it went up to two months. That's just hoarding doctors, in my book. Either you need to get more lid specialists on your staff, or your just hoarding their appointments.
At any rate, here it is, six weeks later and still toting around my entity. So yesterday, before I went again to my regular guy opthmalogist, I thought about NY Eye and Ear. First, I called the main number and never got through. This is what has happened to the finest specialized hospital since being colonized. The first thing to go is customer service. The savings go to management salary increases and various other non-clinical emoluments.
Then I called the faculty practice. Success. A person answered. My first question to them: Do you take my insurance. She responded: What is your problem? I said, "Well, my problem doesn't matter if you don't take my insurance." She said, "Different doctors take different insurances."
Again, the shame of our century. If a doctor is board certified in a profession, they should take all available insurances, no pick and choose, not one year take an insurance, the next year, decline. The only reason a doctor should not be eligible for any or all insurances is if he/she has committed a fraud. But I digress.
I told the gatekeeper that I had a chalazion and my ophtmalogist recommended I see a lid specialist. She said, "We don't have any lid specialists here. A chalazion is like a stye, isn't it?" Well, I originally thought I had a stye too, until I saw my opthmalogist. She said they had an ocular neoplastician (I think that's what she said). But wait, there's more. The ocular neoplastician is also a neuro-opthmalogist. Wowee. She can make sure there's no holes in my head. But wait, there's more. She offered me an appointment within 48 hours. Well, I couldn't make that. She offered me an appointment within four days. I couldn't take that. Actually, since I was seeing my regular eye doctor later that day, I wanted to wait another two weeks before consulting the specialist. So I made an appointment at NYE&E for two weeks from yesterday. Apparently, lid specialists are in rare demand, but ocular neoplasticians are laying idle.
In any event, I kept the appointment with my regular opthmalogist, who, using fancy Q-tips, squeezed my eye zits, prescribed oral antibiotics, and recommended me to continue the warm compresses. Oy. Still porting around my entity.