1. Starve the beast financially. Place them in an abandoned, windowless factory building hiding a notorious Mafia body dumping ground. Don't bother to keep the building clean or decorate it so that it wouldn't be mistaken for a Greyhound bus station waiting room to despair. Make sure necessary office equipment is constantly in a state of disrepair. Make sure usual materials (toys, paper, pens, tissue) are only available at employee expense.
2. Appoint incompetent do-nothings to head the department. Have the incompetents allow and reinforce the behavioral problems of the patients, who vandalize the property with impunity. Ditto their parents. Ditto the "security" guards who watch it while (no lie) play with their yo-yos and muttering, "I'm not going to stop that little bitch." Make sure that no one mistakes the therapy venue for a safe place, with the constant screaming of patients verbally abusing receptionists or therapists. Make sure to align yourself with the forces of chaos, as you tell the therapist/receptionist/staff member joyously, "Oh, that patient doesn't like you."
3. Appoint incompetents to supervise the number 2's (in all sense of that word). These incompetents are uninterested in actually doing their job, more interested in using their office to see more private practice patients on city time. Make sure the incompetent supervisors mirror the moral building skills of their supervisees, by mocking their competency behind their back.
4. Furthermore, ensure these incompetents who supervise the number 2's (aka department heads) only show up to clock in, greet their supervisors, then go home (while still on the clock) to pursue their hobbies). Have them brag about how during their tenure, staffing levels have been halved. Have them not only mock the staff who leave, but also the staff who stay. Embarrass them in departmental meetings, even if you have to fabricate the details.
5. Hire incompetents who are also sexual predators, to make sure that few staff have any idea of staying on to retirement.
6. Only hire staff who are marking time to retirement and are not interested in doing their job.
7. Have a separate school-based section who cherry picks the appropriate children for therapy and sees them in the school. This leaves only the most seriously disturbed special education children who all other cinics refuse because of the multiple complications: child abuse, parental drug use, foster care, low intelligence level, low commitment level, Medicaid insurance. Make sure you diagnose all children as ADHD and dose out the Ritalin. Ignore any symptoms of conduct disorder or environmental stresses. If Ritalin doesn't cause parental complaints to cease, tell them to buy Benadryl. If that doesn't do the trick, add Depakote/Seroquel/Risperdal. Ignore any signs of parental abuse of Ritalin. Never be curious.
8. Any staff member who had logical ideas--have them chase their tails filling out endless paperwork. Mock them behind their backs to any and all. Encourage others to do so as well. Place made-up obstacles in their path. Honor all staffers who remain adamantly clueless about the child's life. Curiousity is an incumbrance not to be tolerated.
9. Harass unmercifully staff members who attempt to use their employee benefits to receive reimbursement for continuing education/conference presentation.
10. Deny patients appropriate referrals to other facilities: Numbers, after all are more important than children successfully diagnosed and treated.
This is now true not only of public hospitals, but private as well. Number 10 explains the curse.